At the age of 29 most people’s lives are fully underway with careers, marriages and families of their own. Mine, however, is very far from any of these things. At age 29, God is putting the pieces of a shattered life back together, for the second time.
I was born in California to loving and wonderful parents. I have one older brother and like most little sisters I wanted to do everything he did. My family moved to Tennessee when I was six. My brother is older than me so we were attending different schools. My childhood was amazing and full of love. I always stood out in school, sports, and with friends, and although it was positive, I still always felt different. People looked at me differently because I was from a different hometown. Those differences that made me stand out, even though they were positive, made me feel separate. My brother went through the same thing and this made us very close. He was my best friend. After graduating high school, he moved back to California. My parents worked extremely hard; one running his own business and the other working her way up the corporate ladder. Since my parents worked a lot and my brother was in California, I began spending all my time with my friends. The older I became the more friends I had and some of them were not a good influence. I slowly began to spiral downward and years later, what had started as social partying with friends became an addiction to pain pills.
In 2011, I went to Teen Challenge for the first time. During that time I became prideful and the further along I got in the program it just got worse and I began trying to get away with breaking rules. After ten months in the program, I got kicked out of the program because of not following the rules I knew. I was crushed and I felt like I had failed in another area of my life again. I started using drugs again and had no remorse about it. Within a couple years I found myself kicked out of my parents’ house and the man I loved could hardly bare to look at me. My parents did not want me around, because I was unpredictable and unstable. Without my family, I fell apart and actually stopped using, but my actions were so harmful that the consequences still separated us.
I ended up in jail looking about a year. I had come to terms with it in my mind, but God had a different plan. Up to this point I had not re-considered going back to Teen Challenge. I felt that I had my chance and lost it, so I never considered giving it a second chance. I felt I had to prove something to someone and do my jail time with no one’s help. I was punishing myself when I should have been forgiving. I simply needed someone to say to me, I am here, you are safe, and I am with you.
Through Pastor Tim and Teen Challenge of the Upper Cumberland, God spoke all these things to me and told me I had something to finish. God is giving me the second chance I needed through Teen Challenge. When I came back to Teen Challenge, for the first time in a long time I felt safe. Through the reassurance of staff members, my fellow residents in the program, and my parents’ wisdom, I know this year is a chance to stand still. A chance to remember that I am God’s, and to allow Him to finish His work and prepare me for no more failures, secrets, or losses.
My dream for the future would be to attend college and study science. I know it will be hard, but I know with God all things are possible. My story is a story of second chances and of the people who spoke truth and love into my life, even when they weren’t aware of doing it. It is about those who protected me and were a light in the darkness. It is about those who showed the traits and love of God in the darkest time. This literally saved my life and gave hope to me. I now have a second chance to live for Christ. The verse I stand on is Psalm 139:8 “If I ascend into heaven you are there, and if I make my bed in hell, behold you are there.”