My heart stopped as I gazed upon the letters etched in stone: Heather K. Price. I never imagined looking upon a headstone containing my very own name at 38 years of age. Bearing even my date of birth, all that remained after my husband’s suicide was for my parting date to be inscribed. I’ll never forget the longing to write my death date in the blank, for it wasn’t just the end of my husband’s life that he took that cold February night, I too stopped living. Sure, my lungs were taking in the air of this world and my heart pushed blood through my veins, but I curled up and died right along with my husband that meant more to me than life itself. You see, therein was the problem, he meant more to me than anything, even God Himself.
Don’t get me wrong, my life contained many obstacles as far back as I can remember. The abuse of my childhood poured a foundation whereupon many outcries of pain were built. But by God’s grace, I kept a hope, a will to live, tucked deep inside. In an instant however, that hope I held so dear vanished the moment my husband’s feet left the ledge. As the psalmist writes, “Death wrapped its ropes around me; the terrors of the grave overtook me, I saw only trouble and sorrow.”(116:3) Misery pierced my heart and buried its roots deep in my soul. My every day became a façade and living was a chore. The grandest mask ever adorned among the living, I was dead. Captive by despair, alcohol became my means of survival. I was a slave to death, a prisoner shackled to despair, as I walked out the days on this earth.
Months flew by and I was oblivious to the fact that I walked about this earth chained to the dead bones the prophet Ezekiel speaks of; helplessly and utterly hopeless. I was lifeless, scattered everywhere across the ground and completely dried out. During my first three months at Teen Challenge, I began to see that I wasn’t just standing on the edge of that bridge waiting for the end, I had taken the leap in my heart and opened the grave to my death two years before. “The Lord took hold of me, and I was carried away by the spirit of the Lord to the valley of dry bones. He led me all among the bones that covered the valley floor. They were scattered everywhere across the ground and were completely dried out.” Broken hearted as I gazed upon my lifeless existence, the Lord asked me the question, “Can these bones become living again?” Unable to imagine feeling anything other than my deep distress, I replied,” O Sovereign Lord, you alone know the answer to that.” Then the Lord said, “Look! I am going to put breath within you and make you live again! I will put flesh and muscles on you and cover you with skin. I will put breath in you and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am Lord.”(Ezekiel 37) I knew that The Lord would restore me to the living. He would unwrap the ropes of death that bound me. He would awaken my spirit with His breath like the days of old.
The bones of my body began to come together as I penned a goodbye letter to my late-husband, letting him go. As tears flowed and pain surged, the chains that bound me to death began to fall one by one. Each link that unraveled translated into muscle and flesh that formed over these bones, but they still had no breath in them.
The evening of February 12, 2014 is when God fulfilled His promise to me. Each step into the warm water of the baptism beckoned me home. The gracious, mighty, compassionate Lord wrapped His arms around me as I was consumed by His cleansing hand. All of a sudden, as if something jolted my heart, I opened my eyes while submerged in His loving embrace. Words cannot explain what I was taking in. It was as if time stood still and I was seeing for the very first time. The clarity, the purity of the water above called out to me. The light piercing through the waves reached down into the waters and drew me to my feet. Unable to breathe, God blew into my nostrils, I inhaled Him deep into my lungs, His breath of life reached every corner of my being. Death could not hold me, the grave could not keep me. God opened my grave and brought me back to the land of the living. I was alive!
The words of the prophet Isaiah resonated through my newfound heart,“Fear not, you will no longer live in shame. Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you. You will no longer remember the shame of your youth and the sorrows of your widowhood. For your Creator will be your husband; The Lord of Heavens Armies is His name! He is your Redeemer!” (Isaiah 54:4-5).
Through the Lord’s use of Teen Challenge of the Upper Cumberland, its devoted staff and supporters, I stand now in the resurrected life of my Savior and Lord and share in the 116th psalm of David, “Then I called on the name of the Lord; “Please Lord save me! How kind The Lord is! How good is He! So merciful, this God of ours! The Lord protects these of child like faith; I was facing death and He saved me. Let my soul be at rest again, For the Lord has been good to me. He saved me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling. So I walk in the Lord’s presence as I live here on this earth!”